who are you looking at?

In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus says, "If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also." These words have come alive to me in a new way over the last few days as I've been reading about forgiveness in a book called The Faces of Forgiveness: Searching for Wholeness and Salvation by Shults and Sandage. Generally, a person who is struck on the cheek will respond in one of two ways. The first is retaliation. "Tit for Tit" as Dwight Schrute from The Office would say. The second way someone may respond is humiliation or defeat. When they are slapped, their head whips around, their body spins and follows, and they walk away or hide from the one that has struck them. Jesus calls us to a third option that, unfortunate for us weasels, is the most difficult.

He tells us to give them the other cheek. There is plenty that has been said in books and commentaries and from the pulpits about what this means and what this looks like. Here, I'd like to move from Biblical exposition to Biblical reflection and devotion. As I read this book about forgiveness and the role of the face, I realize that what Jesus requires of us in offering the other cheek is that we will have to look our offender square in the eyes because we will be face to face with him/her. Sandage and Shults are making a lot out of the role of the FACE in forgiveness and reconciliation and wholeness. What follows are some of their quotes from the first 100 pages of the book...

• Dilemmas of forgiveness are embedded in a social process of saving and losing face.
• We suggest that the face represents a powerful interpersonal "text" that evokes an attempt to interpret the feelings and dispositions of the other (facial hermeneutics).
• The capacity for forgiveness is formed in response to the FACE of the OTHER.
• Fear and anxiety are at the core of unforgiveness and relational estrangement.
• Perhaps faces--both our own faces and the faces of others in our community--actually mediate the process of forgiveness.
• It is easier to avoid our moral obligations to others or even go through the motions of inauthentic moral acts, if we do not actually encounter the face of the other person.

I could go on and on, but hopefully this gives you a taste of the importance of the face in forgiveness. So what? Why is this getting so much attention from me right now? Well, it is helping me makes sense of some recent events in my own life. A couple of months ago, my church terminated my working position. Then, surprisingly, they asked that Christine and I take a step back (and out) of the community (for an undetermined amount of time). Now, I don't really care to relive all of those events or even make commentary on them...except for this...

By asking us to step away from our community during this time, they have nearly made forgiveness impossible. If we are not allowed to be present, our faces are not seen. And we don't get to see anyone else's face. To some degree, we don't exist in the lives of one another anymore. And so, forgiveness is no longer possible (and maybe it isn't even necessary). You see, there is something about the face--about being face to face--that mediates forgiveness and leaves the door to reconciliation open (or at least unlocked). As messy and uncomfortable and painful as it might be, facing one another is crucial of any kind of forgiveness and wholeness is going to be pursued.

So, I've got a choice. I can purchase and send copies of this book I'm reading to everyone I know at my previous church. But, since I'm unemployed right now, I don't think that would be very wise stewardship of resources. The other option is the one that is more uncomfortable for ME. I have not wanted to go into the church offices and be seen. There are people that I miss and would love to see, but I don't really want to do it there. It makes me frustrated and angry just thinking about it. But, I've got another cheek. While I'd like to hit back and retaliate--or turn and walk them right out of my life...I can't. I've got another cheek.

As soon as I've posted this, I'm gathering my things and I'm heading in for some good 'ole face to face. If you are interested, I'll let you know how it goes. In the meantime, though, maybe there is a face you need to see...

Sandage writes these words that I leave with you...

Jesus said, "Whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me...will find it" (Mark 8:35). It seems there is often a similar paradox to saving face: whoever tries to save face will eventually lose it, but whoever loses faces redemptively can find it.