Too Mutch

...a safe place to dance with ideas, play with theology, and re-create a life implicated by God

Sunday, July 15, 2007

The Voice

Have you ever experienced this phenomenon? You wake up in the morning and no one else is home (probably because you've slept later than the rest of the world considers acceptable). You jump in the shower and somewhere between shampoo and conditioner, you get lost in a conversation you had last nite...or one that you are going to have today that you aren't looking forward to. Now, you've used enough water to fill a small pool, but then again there isn't anyone home to point this out to you. Next, feeding time. Coffee, cereal, fruit (after all, you do care about your body). Perhaps it is your day off of work, so you are going to read the paper or get lost in novel on the front porch. Lunch comes early when you sleep as late as you did, so you have a light lunch and decide to face the world. You head out to run some errands, going here and there. Bank. Gas. Finally, you head to the grocery store. You meander around getting more good things for your body, paying close attention to MSG and local farmers. You proceed to the checkout when out of nowhere the clerk says, "How are you doing today" which you reply..."Au righ nd yo"--but it comes out like you are saying it into a glass of water. In the absence of human interaction and conversation...even if for a brief momentarily lost your voice. Thankfully, you are able to clear your throat and get a hold of your speech skills and repeat what you meant to say, "All right and you?"

We've all seen what can happen if you don't exercise your voice for several hours, but I wonder if it is possible to lose your voice if you quit using it for a long period of time. So far, the internet hasn't been much of a help on this for me, so I'll just be left guessing until someone comes forward with a story about a person who had been hidden in a closet and when they came out, they were unable to talk like they once had. However, that turns out, is seems feasible to me that if you don't exercise your voice, you could lose it...or at least have it significantly altered, weakened, and/or garbled.

That is, to some degree, my fear after having returning from Burundi. After spending two weeks seeing what I saw, talking about the needs of the people, getting to know people, etc., I have so much within me that must come out somehow. Or be lost...forever. I want my church community to know about the things we did in Burundi. I want them to know the stories of the people we met. I want them to experience what I've least in part. And mostly, I want them to know that there is so much more we can do.

Our church, Mars Hill Bible Church, has committed itself to the Great Lakes region of Africa. Most specifically, it has teamed up with World Relief and Turame in the country of Burundi. I want to speak into this partnership. I want to share my experiences and stories and let them infuse life into the projects we are going to work on. I want to bring fresh ideas and new opportunities that our community of faith can get involved in. I want to be in the conversation. I want to share where I've been and what I've seen. I want, simply, to have a voice.

But I'm afraid. I am afraid that I won't be invited into the conversation...and all that is within me will begin to wither, shrink, and atrophy. Right now, I feel very engaged with the people and country of Burundi and I don't want that to change. I want to continue reading about the problems faced by this country...and to think and dream creatively about potential solutions. I want to brainstorm and strategize ways that our church and partner churches can be and send resourcing to Burundi. I would love to lead teams of people a couple times per year--teams of counselors who can train counselors in Burundi; teams of theologically estute brothers and sisters who can begin building up the church leaders in Burundi. And on. And on. And on.

It's an overstatement to say that I'm "only afraid." I'm hopeful too. At times, hope is leading the way...and at times fear is running amock. But my prayer ought to be obvious to anyone who reads. May God continue to call my voice out of the depths of my experience and passions. And those who have ears, let them hear.


At 7:53 AM, Blogger ARK said...

ask to be apart of the conversation. Insist (kindly).talk to friends and family around about your exeriances to keep them fresh. talk to the pastors at Mars Hill to see what opportunuties are avalible and take advantage of them. If this is something that is stiring in you by God continue to ask Him for opportunities. also you went to Seminary and have a unique perspective on life and communicate in a way that touches the soul. (in my humble opinion from the times I have heard you speak. use your gifts and talents to seek out other trips and leadership training and other volenteers to in time perhaps. Go back and do what God is calling you to do. Look within Mars Hill first and if nothing is avalible look outside for Gods "open door or window". God Speed on whatever you decide to do, these are only mere sugestions from a guy who is a little overly passionate at times and has high expectations for Gods call on peoples lives.

by the way Greg. when you were in Africa can you give me an over view of some of the things you did as a individual and as a group? what touched your heat the most, and third, how do you want to take what you did and leared while over there and apply it to what are you seeking to do in the future? thanks and have a great day.

At 7:34 PM, Blogger jglerum said...

I, too, feel a certain pressure to share experiences, pictures and thoughts with the community at large before daily routine, fading memories, and maybe frustration dilute it. It appears that we'll have chances to share brief anecdotes (10 minutes this coming Thursday), but will there be a chance to engage in a larger, deeper conversation? With what audience?

It seems that most of the people who are interested in our trip are those who have been and, perhaps, those who are going. Few people outside of those categories have asked me any authentic questions - and paid attention long enough to get a legitimate answer even started.

"So, how was Africa?" Ummm... are you seriously asking, cuz, like, I'm buying coffee from you right now, and there's a line waiting behind me...

I expected this to a certain extent. What I didn't expect was my own initial reticence to talk about my experiences when I returned. I needed a little time to process, to retreat into my psyche and let it sink in. Unfortunately, that also is the brief window during which all but those with serious investment and concern in my life asked me questions. I tried to rise to the occasions, but felt that without having sorted through it myself I was unable to give a coherent answer. I worry that it was my one shot to engage some of those people.

Beyond that initial personal paralysis, I think that my individual testimony is incomplete. Each of us has a story to share, a personal spin on the multifaceted experience that was Africa. Each of us has a voice to speak into the lives of people around us. But I think there is greater value in communal sharing; our team has a great rapport, complementary strengths and weaknesses, and an ability to play off one another to fill in the gaps of perspective and memory that each of us certainly has individually. I want to come together and speak as a team to the greater Mars Hill community in a structured way so that we can encourage and deepen the greater Mars Hill community’s investment in the “Z” part of the “XYZ” initiative. Isn’t that part of why we went?

At 11:03 PM, Blogger ARK said...

Dear jglerum:

(Greg, if I am over stepping my bounds here please just let me know)

I feel passionate about your questions and your desire to communicate what you feel, expereainced and learned. I have been in those shoose before. some of the comments I made to Greg in my previous responce I give too you. what I also give is this additional resonce based on my experaince and time in prayer over various missions trips I have been privlaged to partake in and the times after they have been done.

1. you will remember this exeriance for the rest of your life. people will ask you along the way and God will give you instances to share little tid bits of this or that from your trip and what you learend and how it changed you.

2. you are now if you let yourself be, forever changed. what you say, your outlook on life and every fiber of your being is somewhat different that it was. your experiancein part will come out in every coversaion you ever have. your expereiance here will manifest in your life. sometimes sometimes intentionally and other times not.

3. when some people don't want to really truley hear about your trip don't loose heart. some people in Gods kingdom are wired differently. they wont respond to someone who went over seas on a missions trip. they might respond to someone who is doing a job that someone like me would find of little value and trivial at best (I do this a lot, and this is also a reason why I don't like where I am at in my life right now with my job and work) but don't loose heart. some people wont respond to well or as activly to your exerience because God has called them to a different line of Kingdom work and kingdom restoration. the trick is learning how to appreciate eachothers part in bring about the kingdom here on earth as it is in Heaven while focusing on how God wants us to play our part. sometimes the balance can be hard to find in the forest of isoloatoin or deception.

At 11:46 PM, Anonymous Nate said...

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I don't really have any advice for your calling. I appreciate the blog and I think I appreciate your struggle

At 11:56 PM, Anonymous Nate said...

One thing I have sensed about retreats/mission trips/life-changing experiences is that when people come back they can become a)very overbearing or b)impatient with their old world (people who were not there and do not understand.) Sometimes they communicate an elitism. Sometimes they communicate a raw overbearing excitement or passion that just doesn't communicate wisely (granted sometimes people need to see this rawness in the right setting) As a person in the "old world" I know these reactions always rubbed me the wrong way. I believe you are able to put wisdom and passion and humility together in time.

At 4:08 AM, Blogger oregonfatts said...

Greg, Seth here your Burundi compadre... well american compadre in Burundi. I'm in Kenya but I'll leave for Buj tomorrow. I need your email. Also some 7 rebel leaders have fled peace talks and have been reported to begin recruiting so renewed war may become prevalent soon. I'll keep you posted. Let's touch base. my email that you should have is:

be in touch. seth

At 11:06 AM, Anonymous Megan said...

Thanks, Greg. Keep speaking and typing. Andrew has his Burundi shirt on today and he had Meagan look up info on the country and report back to him on what she learned. This little country certainly wasn't on our radar screen until you two put it there. Lead us forward. We love you, brother.


At 12:15 AM, Blogger Alans public thought life said...

hey Greg, I miss your posts. whats going on with your life

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I'm waiting for you next blog Greg.

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