Too Mutch

The Voice

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Sun, 15 Jul 2007 20:26:00 +0000

Have you ever experienced this phenomenon? You wake up in the morning and no one else is home (probably because you've slept later than the rest of the world considers acceptable). You jump in the shower and somewhere between shampoo and conditioner, you get lost in a conversation you had last nite...or one that you are going to have today that you aren't looking forward to. Now, you've used enough water to fill a small pool, but then again there isn't anyone home to point this out to you. Next, feeding time. Coffee, cereal, fruit (after all, you do care about your body). Perhaps it is your day off of work, so you are going to read the paper or get lost in novel on the front porch. Lunch comes early when you sleep as late as you did, so you have a light lunch and decide to face the world. You head out to run some errands, going here and there. Bank. Gas. Finally, you head to the grocery store. You meander around getting more good things for your body, paying close attention to MSG and local farmers. You proceed to the checkout when out of nowhere the clerk says, "How are you doing today"...to which you reply..."Au righ nd yo"--but it comes out like you are saying it into a glass of water. In the absence of human interaction and conversation...even if for a brief time...you momentarily lost your voice. Thankfully, you are able to clear your throat and get a hold of your speech skills and repeat what you meant to say, "All right and you?"

We've all seen what can happen if you don't exercise your voice for several hours, but I wonder if it is possible to lose your voice if you quit using it for a long period of time. So far, the internet hasn't been much of a help on this for me, so I'll just be left guessing until someone comes forward with a story about a person who had been hidden in a closet and when they came out, they were unable to talk like they once had. However, that turns out, is seems feasible to me that if you don't exercise your voice, you could lose it...or at least have it significantly altered, weakened, and/or garbled.

That is, to some degree, my fear after having returning from Burundi. After spending two weeks seeing what I saw, talking about the needs of the people, getting to know people, etc., I have so much within me that must come out somehow. Or be lost...forever. I want my church community to know about the things we did in Burundi. I want them to know the stories of the people we met. I want them to experience what I've experienced...at least in part. And mostly, I want them to know that there is so much more we can do.

Our church, Mars Hill Bible Church, has committed itself to the Great Lakes region of Africa. Most specifically, it has teamed up with World Relief and Turame in the country of Burundi. I want to speak into this partnership. I want to share my experiences and stories and let them infuse life into the projects we are going to work on. I want to bring fresh ideas and new opportunities that our community of faith can get involved in. I want to be in the conversation. I want to share where I've been and what I've seen. I want, simply, to have a voice.

But I'm afraid. I am afraid that I won't be invited into the conversation...and all that is within me will begin to wither, shrink, and atrophy. Right now, I feel very engaged with the people and country of Burundi and I don't want that to change. I want to continue reading about the problems faced by this country...and to think and dream creatively about potential solutions. I want to brainstorm and strategize ways that our church and partner churches can be and send resourcing to Burundi. I would love to lead teams of people a couple times per year--teams of counselors who can train counselors in Burundi; teams of theologically estute brothers and sisters who can begin building up the church leaders in Burundi. And on. And on. And on.

It's an overstatement to say that I'm "only afraid." I'm hopeful too. At times, hope is leading the way...and at times fear is running amock. But my prayer ought to be obvious to anyone who reads. May God continue to call my voice out of the depths of my experience and passions. And those who have ears, let them hear.

Grafted In To The Good Tree

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Mon, 09 Jul 2007 01:10:00 +0000

The image here of the tree was somewhat randomly inspired and dreamed up by a graphic artist we know who was willing to help us design T Shirst for our Burundi Team. The image is becoming less random…and this friend is becoming more unknowingly prophetic. Let me explain…

There is an illuminating quote in Barbara Kingsolver’s The Poisonwood Bible, which gripped me when I first heard it. Now, it is helping me understand how I feel now that I have gone and returned from Burundi, Africa. The quote comes from a character that is a lifetime missionary…a man whose wisdom and spirituality is forged in the trials and beauty of kingdom work in the Congo. He shares this insight with some frustrated missionaries that he has stopped to visit…in an attempt to say, “Press on. Be faithful to the Lord and faithful to these people you are here to serve.” Here is what Brother Fowler says to them:

We are branches grafted on this good tree…the great root of Africa sustains us…

Since leaving Burundi just about one week ago, I have been trying to make sense out of how I have been feeling. I have asked questions of myself, written in my journal, dialogued with my wife and friends who were on the team. This feeling has been elusive and has a knack for remaining undiscovered and unnamed. Pesky little thing! It taunts me and talks trash. Lord, have mercy.

Reflecting back on this quote, however, has shed a sliver of light on the whole situation. Like a light shining through a keyhole into a pitch black room, it doesn’t unlock the door, but it can provide just enough light (and hope) to reveal the way out. So, I wouldn’t say that I’ve stumbled upon Clarity, but I do think I’m making some headway. While I have made the 2 day journey home from Africa, unpacked, taken a hot shower, and spent 2 days at work…I still have not returned home from Burundi. Not fully. Not all of me. Part of who I am was grafted onto that good tree. Part of me has been intertwined with the roots who are the people that bring life the country of Burundi.

When I think about this good tree, I think about other branches that have been grafted in: Sara, Seth and Trina, Dan and Tambry. I also think of some of the roots I’ve been intertwined with: Sophonie, Irene, Emmanuel, Pastor Pierre. To be completely severed from these branches and roots would require a significant loss…even a death. I may have returned back to Grand Rapids, MI USA…but I remain in Burundi. To change that, you will have to hack away, burn, destroy what has been grafted together. Go ahead and try. Lord, have mercy. On you…

The ongoing question, then, is… “How do I stay connected to the part of me that remained in Africa? How do I sustain the seed and life that was sown on this 2 week trip to Burundi?” I think there are a multitude of answers to that question. Simple answers. Hard answers. Answers I will continue to listen to, ponder, and (hopefully) live out. But, in the mean time, these questions unearth a fear that I have. That fear will be the focus of another entry soon to come.

Stay tuned.

Amahoro from Burundi!

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 06:01:00 +0000

Amahoro (hello)!

You don't know how much it means to know that we have so many people back at home with us in their prayers. Thank You.

After a few hiccups on the travel end of things, we arrived in Burundi pretty much on time and have been getting acquainted and rested up for our retreats and other projects. We have been so fully welcomed by the World Relief Staff. Yesterday afternoon, we had an orientation session up at the house of Dan and Tambry Brose, who are the country directors for WR-Burundi. A great lunch, followed by coffee, a long walk to the lake, and mango cobbler. Unbelievable. This morning, I got up and went for a run with Trina and Seth Chase, one of my teammates, and Immanuel, who is from Burundi. Halfway thru the run, we stopped to admire the beauty of the lake and the sun coming up over the mountains. Then, I walked up to the Brose's again to send out this email. Know that we are doing well and loving our time here.

We have also had the opportunity to see and hear more closely about the Turame Microfinance project here in Burundi. We met with their staff yesterday, then went for a walk through the largest market in Burundi to meet some of the clients. Avocados the size of my head! However, I couldn't imagine going there as a Muzungu (white person) with a shopping list and having any success. Today we are heading to a city called Kayanza, where we will work with the a group of about 20 who are living with AIDS. Please pray that we would find a way to encourage them and love them, without being presumptuous about the situation they are in. No one on our team has faced such a daunting reality. However, we so desire to cover their shame, brokenness, and despair with grace, dignity and hope.

On the health update, we are all doing pretty well. A couple of folks are struggling a bit with their malaria meds, but otherwise, nothing serious. Christine has felt normal, without any issues with energy or trips to the water closet! The mosquitoes are not as bad as one might think...and the water is better than most places! And we have had plenty to eat, including a fresh banana birthday cake for Jason the first nite we were here!

Again, thank you for all of your support. I hope to email again or blog in a few days when we return from our first retreat. At that time, I'll post some pictures we've taken thus far.

With love from Burundi,

Greg

BURUNDI PRAYER CALENDAR

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Sat, 16 Jun 2007 14:34:00 +0000

For those that would like to walk with us daily by praying for us, we give you our...

Burundi Prayer Calendar
June 17 – July 4, 2007

Sunday, June 17
Leave Grand Rapids, MI at 3:44 pm. Fly to Chicago and then to London.

Prayer Request: Please pray for safe flights and good attitudes during our long days of travel.

Monday, June 18
Arrive in London and tour the city. Depart for Burundi.

Prayer Request: Pray for safety while in London as well as the health of each one of our team members.

Tuesday, June 19
Arrive in Bujumbura, Burundi. Lunch and swimming at Saga Resha. Team time and orientation in the evening.

Prayer Request: Please pray for smooth transitions and attentiveness to our new surroundings and the World Relief team.

Wednesday, June 20
Welcome to Bujumbura and World Relief.

Prayer Request: Pray that we may gain a better understanding about the lives of the Burundians and how we can serve them.

Thursday, June 21
Leave for Kayanza. Begin retreat for People Living With AIDS (PLWA) and stay in Kayanza.

Prayer Request: Please pray for the people living with AIDS and that we can be the hands and feet of God as we work with them.

Friday, June 22
All-day retreat for PLWA. Stay in Kayanza.

Prayer Request: Pray for emotional, physical and spiritual healing of these people living with AIDS. Pray for our strength as we work with them.

Saturday, June 23
Travel to Kirundo for a day off at the lake and to debrief the retreat. Travel back to Kayanza for the night.

Prayer Request: Pray for our team and that we may bond during the time we debrief and spend at the lake.

Sunday, June 24
Work with different local churches in Kayanza for the day. Return to Bujumbura for the night.

Prayer Request: Please pray that we are the lights of Christ as we go into the different churches. Pray for physical and emotional strength as well.

Monday, June 25
Work with local churches in Bujumbura helping with construction, clean-up, etc… Stay in Bujumbura.

Prayer Request: Pray for strength and diligence as we work in on the churches in hopes that we can accomplish a lot.

Tuesday, June 26
Lead workshops for counselors who work with people living with AIDS in Bujumbura.

Prayer Request: Please pray for the counselors we will be working with and that God uses us to encourage and support these people.

Wednesday, June 27
Continue to lead workshops for counselors who work with people living with AIDS in Bujumbura.

Prayer Request: Pray for emotional strength for our team and for the counselors. Please pray for honesty and openness as we converse with these people.

Thursday, June 28
Leave for Gitega. Lead a retreat for Turame (micro-finance loan officers) and stay in Gitega.

Prayer Request: Please pray that we become educated by the micro-finance officers and that we are able to offer them encouragement in return.

Friday, June 29
Continue the Turame retreat. Return to Bujumbura in the evening.

Prayer Request: Pray for the Burundians that are receiving loans for these loan officers. Please pray that they will see God through the actions of the loan officers.

Saturday, June 30
Debrief the retreat and spend the day in Bujumbura. Farewell dinner in the evening.

Prayer Request: Pray that this day of rest will rejuvenate our spirits and
re-center our team. Pray for health and fellowship.

Sunday, July 1
Visit local churches in Bujumbura. Lead a service at the Bujumbura International Christian Fellowship

Prayer Request: Pray for our team as we lead the service through worship. Christine Mutch will be preaching at BICF. Pray that God speaks through her.

Monday, July 2
Leave for the airport at 7:30 am. Depart for Nairobi to spend the afternoon touring the city.

Prayer Request: Pray for safety while in Nairobi and we can continue to be the lights of Christ as we travel.

Tuesday, July 3/4
Days of travel. Arrive in Grand Rapids, MI at 12:30 am on July 4.

Prayer Request: Pray for a safe flight home and that we can adjust quickly back to our lives here in Michigan. Please pray for opportunities to share our Burundi experiences with others.

To Burundi, From Mars, With Love

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Tue, 22 May 2007 00:52:00 +0000

Our preparations are moving right along. We've been meeting on Tuesday nights for about 6 or 7 weeks now. We've hosted a Burundi Benefit night at church, gone on an overnight retreat with the rest of the teams going to East Africa, and a few other...shall we call them...gatherings, of sorts. 4 Weeks from now, we will be "in country" as they say.

As part of our team preparation, we worked through the formation of a covenant--no animals were harmed in the making of this covenant. Below is what we came up with to guide us as we bind ourselves together with an identity and a mission. Feel free to interact with this covenant, giving us feedback, pushing us forward in our commitment to bind ourselves to something larger than ourselves.

Identity—who we are…

We are not a collection of individuals going on a mission trip. Rather, we are a representation being sent out from Mars Hill Bible Church, which is a Trinitarian community living out the way of Jesus. Thus, the eleven of us are bound together and committed to living and serving as ONE.
We recognize that we are not ‘saviors’ of the people of Burundi. However, as ONE, we set out to be the hands and feet of Jesus, demonstrating and announcing the whole Gospel. We commit to doing this with a posture of humility and teachability, expecting to learn from and be transformed by those that we engage with.
Though we are being restored, we recognize that we are broken and so desire to engage this mission in the spirit of Philippians 2:1-18.

Mission—what we covenant to pursue…

Inasmuch as the Spirit of God chooses to work through us, we long to bring heaven to earth, to cover despair with hope, to drench brokenness with grace, to speak courage into places of fear, and to honor our fellow image-bearers of God however we can.
Our project goals include: 1) Speaking into the crisis of HIV/AIDS by partnering with the local church to rescue, recreate, and restore the future for the youth of Burundi. 2) To see and learn more about the growing role of micro-finance in Burundi. 3) To sacrificially give our ‘selves’, our time, our gifts, our strengths and weaknesses…all we can give…to the men, women and children of Burundi.
We commit as a team and as individuals to be a living and breathing connection between the lives of those we meet in Burundi and the life we live back home. We will initiate and maintain a mystical relationship across hemispheres, allowing this relationship to pervasively infect the consciousness of Mars Hill, West Michigan, and beyond.

Our Commitments…

We will meet weekly as a team to prepare our hearts, minds, souls, and bodies to fully engage in our identity and mission in Burundi. We will honor our teammates by being on time, being fully present, encouraging one another, and serving one another through hospitality, prayer and authentic relating. We will fast on Tuesdays as an effort to create solidarity with some of those we will serve who go without food and water on a regularly basis.
While we are in country, we will give ourselves completely and sacrificially to the service of the local church and World Relief staff, recognizing that we are not their for our own agenda, but for the agenda for Him who we serve.
When we return home we commit to being involved in the East Africa group at Mars Hill, the refugee ministry as appropriate, and being a catalyst for awareness of and engagement with Burundi and her neighbors for 1 year ending April 2008.

A Confession of a Prospective Short Term Missionary to Burundi

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Tue, 01 May 2007 02:24:00 +0000

Honesty is not always the best policy. Honesty can be painful--viscerally painful. Being honest with someone can invite a harsh response. In fact, it could go beyond invitation to provocation. Beware of being too honest. On the other hand, honesty can be wielded as a vicious WMD. Insensitive honesty is often a horrendous policy. In an attempt to be honest tonight as I share some thoughts, I hope my honesty is taken as intended. This is not intended FOR anyone in particular, yet it could very well apply to many. It is not intended to thrash or wound, but it could perhaps bruise the ego. Now, I've just about talked myself out of writing the rest. I'm tempted to "delete" and change topics and ideas. Hmmmm.

What I've been wanting to say for some time now is more of a confession. Our team of 11 is leaving in one month to go to Burundi to serve and honor the country and people of Burundi. We are 11 white--pasty white if you disregard the lotion that can give you the appearance of a tan--Christians from West Michigan. More simply...just the West. Our team has written into our team covenant the need to engage this mission with a posture of humility. I love that we have talked about this need to recognize that we will be learning FROM the people of Burundi and that they have as much to offer us as we do to them. But...

It just won't sink in. I am struggling to believe it with any depth or conviction. Instead, I see the resourcing and education and experience that I bring to the table. I am guilty of believing that I have MORE to offer. I confess that I am living in the dream that though I will have some peripheral benefits from the trip, most of the benefit will go to the people and country of Burundi.

Does it make it any better that I'm ashamed of myself? Will it help if I read something to set me straight? Will God set me on my roof and tell me to kill and eat? If that happens, I'm more likely to get a fresh prescription of a psychotropic and go to bed, hoping it all to be a wild hallucination. And if someone comes to the door, I'm sending my wife to answer it! No, I'm not sure that much of any of this will help ME. Who or what, then, will help ME?

Two things come to mind. The first is that I must again remind myself to live in tension...rest in the gray areas...play in the fog. And I'm happy to do this, but I fear for the "other" b/c I'm likely to do a lot of damage if I go playing "save the world" in the fog. Secondly, I'm trusting that the experience itself will provide some teachable moments...some fodder for sanctification...even some brokenness. Perhaps this is one of the answers to the question, "Wouldn't it be better just to send the money over there?" Without having the experience, won't I remain stuck in the same prideful and shallow mudhole?

Deliver us from the west...from the deception of our prominence...from our arrogance...

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just...

Lord Have Mercy

Micro-huh?

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 11:16:00 +0000

While there are a lot of questions to engage with here (and I'm having a hard time finding space in life to get to them all), it seems prudent to give those who are connecting to the medium the basic gist on micro-finance. Our support letter mentions that we are going to spend a day (or perhaps a couple) getting more familiar with the micro-finance projects and initiatives in Burundi. Why? Mars Hill has committed to resourcing micro-finance in Burundi in hopes of helping the most economically challenged people in a country with a struggling (that doesn't quite say it) economy. Micro-finance is a promising future for many. Keeping in mind that I am not an economist or an expert on this, here is how it works...

Imagine that you are a woman in your 30's with three children of your own. Several years ago you became a widow when your husband was killed in an ethnic clash that took the lives of hundreds of thousands of men and women. Your household has swelled to include 3 more, who are the children of your sister. You have lost her and her husband to AIDS. You are doing all you can to faithfully serve and raise this family. Some days there is just enough food for everyone. Other days, some go without. Education? Only a dream that must take back seat to breathing and drinking.

But you are blessed with a skill--you are a gifted weaver of baskets, purses, etc. You work fevereshly everyday, but you can't get ahead. Because you have no capital, you have to borrow money from the man who provides your materials. He charges you high interest and requires that you sell almost all of your products back to him for a price he sets. You hover somehwere between "barely scraping by" and "I'm ready to give up."

Do you have any idea what it takes to help a woman in this situation begin to make a sustainable living? A sustainable life looks something like this...

*Enough food to meet the needs of the entire family

*A proper shelter/home where they are protected from the elements, which helps them stay healthy and strong and less likely to develop illnesses that for many are life-threatening.

*It enables you to send some or all of your children to school, the linchpin to a more sustainable future.

Again, what do you think it costs? If you are like me, you'd have guessed the figure to be reasonable, but still in the hundreds or low thousands. While figures vary depending on the country and need, MANY women like the one I've described can get out from under the oppression of the loanshark and into generating a sustainable income for between $1-$40. I know that sounds ludicrous, but story after story will confirm it. Here's generally how it works, understanding that it has a different setup and expression in different parts of the world.

A small group of women will be gathered in a town or village. Their group will be oriented to the philosophy and rules of this lending method. They will function as a communal recepient of the help, meaning that their individual success is tied to the success of each of the others in the group. Each will apply for a loan, usually smaller loans for first time borrowers. Upon receipt of the money, they will put it to work and begin paying it back weekly at little or no interest. You will pay each week by gathering with your team and a representative from the lending organization. In this way you are held accountable and resourced all at the same time. If you have a difficult week, your team must cover you. And you cover them when needed.

Having this small loan means that you can buy materials at a competitive cost, rather than being taken advantage of by a swindling loanshark. You've been empowered. The playing field has been ever so slighly leveled. You are also able to set a reasonable price for your goods and participate in the local and nearby markets. Over the next several months, you have paid back your loan in full while also being able to provide proper food and shelter for your family, who is now healthier than they have ever been. There is talk of sending your oldest son and daughter to school next year. In the next several months, you have taken a second loan to expand your business and you now employ three other women and are able to pay them a sustainable wage so that they can provide for their families.

And the story goes on. Small loans leading to a bright future. Does it really work? Yes, unbelievably well. But won't the poor just take the money and run? It doesn't happen. The repayment rates, especially with women, are in the 90-95% rate. Those that don't pay back are often the subject of some catastrophe (natural or otherwise) that makes it impossible for them to pay back the loan. Why women, you ask? Research and experience have shown that women funnel the benefits to their children and families. Men often do not have the same track record, but progress is being made in that dimension too.

When the $40 loan gets paid back, it gets redistributed to others--not dropped into someone's deep pockets. The money keeps getting put into action where it can help desperate families lose the title of "desperate." Can you think of any better way to spend $40? It goes a long way...and with great impact. Micro-finance isn't so "micro" after all. And it is changing the shape of economies and people's lives all over the world.

If you want to read how Micro-finance got its start, you can read Nobel Peace Prize-winning Mohammud Yunus's book Banker to the Poor. Yes, it's an Oprah selection!!!

NOTE--PLEASE go into the comments section and read Jason's (aka wicked smaht guy) comment/clarification on micro-finance organizations. This is why we are going as a team!

Burundi or Bust!

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Sun, 15 Apr 2007 00:45:00 +0000

Several months ago, Christine and I sat in church--I was people watching, listening to the music while she was reading through bulletin. She interrupted one of my favorite pastimes to show me an announcement about an upcoming short term missions trip to Burundi. She said, "maybe we could be part of a sending team for this trip!" I thought for a moment and leaned back over a dryly suggested, "Or you could go on the trip." She was lost for the rest of the service. Mind racing. And that's how we started our journey to Burundi.

At first, I was cautious about commiting or even getting excited about the prospect. I was well into my 10 months of unemployment--with no end in sight. I couldn't imagine taking such a trip under those financial conditions. And if by chance I actually rejoined the working world, I wasn't optimistic of being able to take 2 weeks in June to go to Africa. Fast forward a couple of months and BAM...I get a new job with enough vacation to take 2 weeks in June. So, Burundi or bust!!!!!

"Why," you might be wondering "would we be going to Burundi?" Contrary to your presumption, we are not going to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary at an all-inclusive resort! We are joining a team of people who are all part of our church. Mars Hill Bible Church has made a long term commitment to the region of East Africa, which currently includes initiatives in Rwanda, Burundi, and the Democratic Republic of Congo. Other countries may be added down the road, but these are the current and ongoing relationships. With help and guidance from World Relief, we will join the local church in serving this country as the hands and feet of God. These are the ways we desire to incarnate the embracing grace of Christ in two very short weeks...

1. HIV/AIDS--one of our primary goals will be to work alongside local youth pastors to lead retreats that will teach young Burundians about this deadly pandemic. We will share the truth about this disease, dispel myths about how it is contracted or how one can be healed from it, and teach about preventative measures.

2. We will spend a day or two getting first hand experience of micro-finance at work in Burundi. Mars Hill has committed to increading the income of the poorest 30% of the economically active in Burundi, primarily through micro-finance initiatives.

3. Finally, we will do whatever World Relief discerns we can lean into. These things are likely to be determined closer to the trip date as they spend time getting more familiar with the particularities of our team--building, serving in orphanages, etc.

Over the next several weeks, I will be chronicling our preparation for this trip. But in addition to narrating the latest and greatest, I'd like to engage with some of the difficult questions that surround this kind of trip.

I'd love to hear your questions...here are a few to get you started...

Does it make sense to send 12 people at 3G's apiece for a mere 2 weeks? Woudn't there be greater impact if we just sent the 36K to Burundi?
Is it irresponsible for a mother or father to leave their kids at home for 2 weeks while they go to Africa? Isn't parenting their primary mission right now?
There is plenty of work that can be done in the US in regards to HIV/AIDS and helping the poor. Why should we send 12 people to a country that they will likely never go back to?

Murabeho (goodbye)

T.I.A.

Team Burundi

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Sun, 15 Apr 2007 00:43:00 +0000

Lenten Reflections from a Hospice Chaplain #3

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 18:42:00 +0000

I begin this reflection with an excerpt from Traveling Mercies, written by an unruly author in the world of spirituality, Anne Lamott…

Rick is the editor in chief of Yoga Journal. He moved in with his girlfriend at the far end of our street a few years ago, and then about ten minutes later he was diagnosed with lung cancer. It had metastasized to his brain. He had done surgery, chemo, radiation, and every imaginable alternative medicine but is still living with both his beautiful girlfriend and stage-four metastatic lung cancer. He usually drives by our house a couple of times a day and seems to be in a quietly good mood most of the time.

I just do not understand this conceptually.

Several weeks before this latest flu, when I had a simple head cold, I pounded on his windshield when he attempted to drive by and said, “Why are you doing this to me? Look at me—I’m congested.” He smiled. He loves me, loves my emotional drag-queeny self. He’s ten years older than I, and he looks a little like Stephen Spielberg, especially because he wears a baseball cap most of the time now and does not shave every day.

I read an interview he did for a Buddhist quarterly recently, in which he said he’s so savoring the moments of his life right now, so acutely aware of love and small pleasures that he no longer feels he has a life-threatening disease: he now says he’s leading a disease-threatening life.

I ask myself--Is this possible? Is this real? Is this…really possible? Or is this merely a semantic summersault…playing with language so as to trick my mind and my heart and my soul into believing something desirable, yet unattainable? Having been at HOM for only a few days compared to many of you, I must defer to the experiences you’ve shared with the patients and families you have walked with. Have you ever experienced this? Ever witnessed life invading death even though death slowly keeps winning the battle? Perhaps you don’t work in the world of patients—have you had loved ones, friends, family members who have lived boldly in the face of terminal illness, hardship or suffering?

I sense, intuitively, that it is real. Mystical? Certainly. But no less real than the lights, angels and family members that many of our patients have reported seeing just prior to their death.

Further down the page, Lamott pens these incisive words from her friend with cancer—“I’m going to live until I die. And the doctor is going to live until he dies. He thinks he knows when I’m going to die, but he doesn’t even know when he’s going to die.” The somewhat grim reality is that we all have a terminal illness. On this Lenten Journey we have been engaging and interacting with our own mortality…our journey of life and death. When push comes to shove, I am invited to follow the lead of Lamott’s Buddhist friend. Will I continue to live a life that is being threatened by my terminality? Or will I gird up the energy and passion within my heart, soul and mind and LEAP (even if out of control) headlong into a disease-threatening life?

In a memorable Seinfeld clip, George asks Jerry if he “yearns.” “I don’t think so,” says Jerry. “I’ve desired, longed for, hoped for, but I haven’t yearned.” Well, I yearn for the latter to be true for me. For us. For our patients. For their families. For you, the BOA, Medical Director, IS guru, RN, etc. I yearn to leap into the current of vibrant life. Maybe you’ve stood on the banks of the river and viewed it’s beauty up close, but slightly removed—watching but not partaking. Perhaps you’ve dipped your hands in the stream and tasted the icy freshness that startles you awake. But you’ve been wary of the chaos found within the banks. You are uncertain (ie, worried about control) because you can’t see beyond the horizon where the water flows. Life is full of chaos and we all know there is no controlling it. But in the midst of it all there is a cool, refreshing, life-giving energy and joy and connection and identity and purpose and—well, the river just keeps running.

I hope (yea, even yearn) for you to feel full of life. For me, the march towards Easter reminds me that death doesn’t win and I am indeed living a disease-threatening life. Perhaps you draw your inspiration from another source. Whatever it is, may it lead you, draw you, compel you towards the water. And may you, with whatever courage and determination and foolhardiness that you can muster, LEAP IN!

Grateful to be here walking with you,

Greg

Lenten Reflections from a Hospice Chaplain #2

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Tue, 13 Mar 2007 13:56:00 +0000

One of the nagging frustrations of this whole metaphor of “journey” is that it implies movement. Can I get a collective “ugh” with an accompany sigh on that one? Movement, as simple as it may sound, can sometimes be TOO much. What about the days when I don’t want to get out of bed and go ANYWHERE! So sure, we can talk about journeying in life, journeying towards death, journeying through lent. But do you ever feel stuck? Do you ever feel that something very real is clinging to your ankles—holding you back, tripping you, controlling you, debilitating you?

This might seem a bit odd to some of you, but try to hang with me. I’d like to offer some spiritual, theological, etc. reflections on a Coldplay song. I believe that a variety of mediums are able to engage us, speak to us, and teach us. Often, it is something quite out of the ordinary that can prick our hearts, open our eyes, and soothe our souls in a whole new way.

The opening lines of the song…
when you try your best but you don't succeed
when you get what you want but not what you need
when you feel so tired but you can't sleep
stuck in reverse

Do you ever feel stuck in reverse? So tired you can’t sleep? So anxious you can’t really live? What is that at my ankles that is holding me back? I was unemployed for nearly a year before coming to HOM. I was stuck wondering what sort of meaningful work I would be able to find. Would it even be meaningful? Who am I? What is wrong with me? Much of the time, I was spent. No answers. Lots of questions. It was a kind of deathly existence.

and the tears come streaming down your face
when you lose something you can't replace
when you love someone but it goes to waste
could it be worse?

Perhaps tears fall down your face because of a loss or a wound. Is there a broken relationship that you long to see mended? A sibling, a parent, a friend, your’self’? Is there a wound that has been covered over but not healed? Something that causes fear, doubt, anger—and inhibits your ability to live with the kind of freedom you were created for? Do you long for something more, something healthier, something that resonates? What is that “something” for you? (pause, soak, breath).

The Refrain…
lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
and i will try to fix you

I’d like to take these three lines one at a time…
1. There is a place called home…and inside is the warmth of a fire delivered in an embrace. It’s an embrace meant for you. It’s an embrace designed for you. And “lights” will guide you, Coldplay tells us. The New Testament tells us something very similar. One of the predominant metaphors and images of Jesus is Light. “lights will guide you home.”
2. “and ignite your bones.” That sounds especially nice this time of year! But the image is one that resonates clearly to anyone that can slow down long enough to let it rouse their attention. Is there a greater feeling of “alive-ness” than to be welcomed home in embrace? There is a passage in the OT book of Ezekiel (Chp 37 if you are interested enough to read it) where God shows Ezekiel this pile of bones and asks him “can these bones live?” The paraphrased response from Ezekiel is “uh, say what?” And God has Ezekiel say this to the bones (yes, he is going to talk to the bones—I believe there may be a DSM-IV diagnosis for this), “I will make breath enter you and you will come to life.” I want to be those bones. I sometimes feel stuck in reverse…can you bring me back to life? Someone? Please…
3. “and I will try to fix you.” Here I take some liberty to rephrase what Coldplay is “really” wanting us to hear. I don’t think we can be fixed. Cars get fixed. Machines get fixed. A couple of weeks ago, I took my coffee pot apart and fixed it. We don’t get fixed. Rather, we get made whole. We get put back together by God’s embrace. This is what peace is. It is NOT the absence of conflict, it is the re-making of us and the world we live in. It is wholeness through and through. It is restored relationship—to God and others and to creation. It is bones coming back to life. It is breaking free from the things that plague us and hold us back. It is what we long for at the end of the journey…it is why we journey. We must continue walking, jogging, running…and always lifting our heads to get a peek at what is ahead of us at the finish line.

Here are the rest of the lyrics for you to dwell on without my rambling. One more thing before closing this reflection. Indulge me, please. You MUST LISTEN to this song. Very Very Loudly!! In your car or on your headphones. I will have copies on my desk you can sign out, borrow, and return. And notice this while you listen…
The song starts out slow. Down. Heavy. It is how we sometimes feel on this journey. But in the score of the music one hears and feels life waking up, of bones catching fire, of hope calling us forward. Even without the words to this song, it inspires.

high up above or down below
when you're too in love to let it go
but if you never try, you'll never know
just what you're worth

lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
and i will try to fix you
tears stream down your face when you lose something you cannot replace tears stream down your face and I... tears stream down on your face I promise you I will learn from my mistakes tears stream down your face and I... lights will guide you home and ignite your bones and i will try to fix you

When the journey gets long, hard, oppressive, lonely, etc.—you are not alone. We journey together. And there is light ahead drawing us, calling us, compelling us forward. And up around the bend there is an embrace with your name all over it, too.

Blessings on the journey,
Greg

Lenten Reflections from a Hospice Chaplain #1

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Tue, 06 Mar 2007 04:51:00 +0000

Yes, it is late...and I don't have the staying power to generate a new entry tonite, so I'm cheating--a little. The following is something I labored over a couple of weeks ago now. Another chaplain and I at work have decided to write a weekly Lenten reflection for our entire staff, sent out over email. I'd like to share with you what I wrote on Ash Wednesday. In the weeks following, I will have a couple more to share with you. Plus, I hope to throw some other things in too. Maybe something about fasting. Perhaps something from my Nouwen reading. OR--this week I'll be working with my buddy Micah to prepare a worship gathering for his church. Maybe I'll share some thoughts from that, too. But for now...

Here it is...and as always...I welcome your feedback, critique, insights...

I met a woman for the first time today at one of our long term care facilities. A stunning woman with a lot of years behind her...a woman with a story to tell. And though she is only able to utter a few soft words, they will only emerge from her depths with great effort, yet full of grace and beauty. Today, one word has been seared into the core of my being. I don't need the wet, black ash smeared onto my forehead unique to Ash Wednesday. I have the word "afraid" tattooed on my heart to remind me of my mortality. This lovely work of art could barely speak the word through her tears. The nurse who was with me told me that she had experienced a delightful and terrible array of emotions from this woman, but had never seen her cry. Why today? Why was she crying outside of the chapel following the Ash Wednesday service?

While we were visiting with her and trying to put all these puzzle pieces together, an employee of the facility stopped by and spent a couple of minutes trying to cheer the woman up...suggesting that she should exchange the tears for smiles. So, we have one young woman attempting to draw another woman out of this place of tearful sobriety. Which woman, I ask myself, is on the Lenten journey? Which one is really "doing okay”?

Lent is a journey, sort of an annual pilgrimage that doesn't require a passport, celebrated through much of the history of the Christian community. As any significant journey has, it contains a point of origin and a destination. A beginning and an end. Start. Finish. And points of significance along the way.

Why participate in this journey? It is, for many, a deeply significant journey. Yes, for some it has been routine. For some, a misunderstood religious tradition. It was for the bulk of my life, anyway. But rather than discard those things which have become tarnished, why not re-explore, re-engage, and re-imagine? That's what I hope this series of "deep thoughts on Lent" will be for those of you that are interested.

So, finally, what is this journey about anyways!! It is a phenomenal journey of reconciliation, rebuilding, and transformation. At its starting point is Ash Wednesday, where we come face to face with our mortality and our brokenness. Maybe it is personal brokenness or a particular struggle that plagues. Perhaps it is a relationship that has lost traction. Maybe a rhythm of life that is way out of "sync." On Ash Wednesday, we sit and acknowledge some of these things. And, perhaps, we will cry. Maybe we will be afraid or regretful or tired or frustrated. Just as I would say to my new friend (if she could catch the lingo)--It's all good. Today is a good day to be sober and reflective. Today is the start of the journey. Thankfully, it is ONLY the start. We do not finish here. We don't. Not here. Not if HE can help it.

In the Gospel accounts of the last days of the life of Jesus, the disciples were stunned, perplexed. Though this man they had followed for three years had told them how the journey was going to end, they did not want him to start the journey into Jerusalem. They were completely confounded that he would walk the path that led directly to death. Yes, dead man walking. What was he thinking? Why engage and encounter death? Why suffer the frustrations of mortality? Why? Because it was ONLY the beginning of the journey.

From dust we have been made and to dust we will return. Ash Wednesday sets us on the path, though it be a rocky one. We sit and acknowledge our brokenness, our pain, our junk. And, in a weird, melancholic and fascinating way, it feels good. Off the chest, so to speak. Breathe. It's a long journey. But don't let your eyes be cast down too long. Stop, occasionally, and peek ahead. Read the last page. There is a destination to this journey and it is the spring from which pours forth reconciliation, wholeness, health, love, beauty, and restoration.

For the next several weeks leading up to Easter, the chaplains here will be offering some short reflections for the Lenten Journey. On Wednesdays, we will send out an email to the staff, which has been written by one of the three of us. We recognize it isn't for everyone, so no offense will be taken by a gentle touch of the delete button! And, of course, your feedback, ideas, and questions are always welcomed.

Join us, if you will, on this journey from brokenness to breathtaking wholeness.

Peace

N8's Questions

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Tue, 20 Feb 2007 04:46:00 +0000

My compadre NateDog asked a couple of good questions I'll try to answer, though I have to be honest. My motivation is waning tonite...

1. After doing a bit of research, N8 learned that Walmart adds more jobs to a community than it forces out. The research my book shares says is this. Initially, there is a flurry of new jobs--almost all of them created by the 300 or so jobs at the Walmart that is opening. After 5 years, the net benefit of jobs is down to 50 retail jobs. And some additional research shows another 20 jobs are lost to local wholesalers that have been squeezed out. 5 year difference--30 retail jobs. Plus, 4 local retailers have closed down completely, while others have had to lay people off.

But maybe you want to argue "well 30 is still a positive number!" Two additional points need to be made. 1) we haven't considered the loss of supplier and manufacturing jobs. And there are plenty of those being lost. Sure, other companies are taking advantage of China's labor, but Walmart has perfected it and has been a huge catalyst. 2) what kind of jobs are the 30? Low end retail jobs. No benefits. Lower wages. Forced overtime without pay. Being locked in a store beyond your work hours. Is this good for a community?

In the end, a community can expect to maybe 300 Walmart jobs, which are not the worth writing home about. 270 jobs have been lost from the community, likely from retailers that provided a better working environment for their employees--better wages, flexible schedules, better hours, more benefits. Hmmm?

And there is more. Because Walmart pays less and offers fewer benefits (even when they offer health benefits, it is only for the employee, not the family), it really ends up being a financial drain on the community. Fishman reports in his book that one study demonstrated that while the poverty rate in America was dropping from 13% to 10.7% on average, counties that had a Walmart found that their decrease was 10% less than a county that did not have a Walmart. So, we have to ask ourselves, are "Always Lower Prices" worth 30 mediocre jobs and a higher rate of poverty among our community?

It complicated isn't it?? I haven't fully decided how best to live in light of what I'm learning. N8 also asks if there is anything positive we can say about Walmart. Absolutely. The article I posted this weekend seems to indicate that they are taking some positive steps. Are they real steps? For the sake of this world, I hopes so. Hasn't Walmart done a tremendous amount to increase efficiency? It can't be stressed enough that Walmart has wielded its power for the good of the retail, manufacturing and supply trades. The book does cover a number of stories to demonstrate the positive and negative Walmart effects.

I highly recommend the book. Then, maybe you'd like to read another book with me called, "The Small Mart Revolution"--a book about how small businesses are finding success in the face of the big box stores.

How will you decide what to do?
Is it about...
convenience?
economic savings?
justice?
morality?

It's complicated. Please commit with me to NOT burying my head in the sand.

Wal-Mart Weekender

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Sat, 17 Feb 2007 16:48:00 +0000

I've really been getting some good questions come my way...which helps how I shape the next couple of posts which are designed (hopefully) to help us wrestle a bit with philosophy of economy, spending, etc. with the example of Walmart, b/c it is just crazy to think about the effect Walmart has.

Some of you have told me that you boycott Walmart. Others used to boycott, but no longer do. Well, here's some weekend reading that might help...or confuse...some of that thinking.

The first is an article in the current issue of Sojourner's magazine. You can find it here. you'll have to complete a free registration form that takes about 20 seconds.

The second is an article my Dad sent me a few days ago. Walmart and sustainability? Here

Happy reading.

Walmart--Show Me the $$

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Thu, 15 Feb 2007 13:02:00 +0000

Do the economic benefits justify shopping at Walmart??

Certainly, there are lot$ of reasons to shop at Walmart. One stop shopping--assuming the shelves are properly stocked. Great exercise--by the time you have found everything on your list, you've certainly covered some serious terrain and toned your upper body maneuvering the cart through hairpin turns. Maybe all this shopping has you feeling a bit famished--stop into McD's or Subway for a lil' somethin' somethin'. And yes, you can save some sweet moula--even more than selling that new line of polymer cookware and food storage.

How much sweet moula? In 2004, Walmart shoppers spent $124 billion on groceries alone. Should that food have been purchased at other typical supermarkets, it would have cost $146 billion (roughly 15%--a conservative estimate). That's 22 B's. That's a lot of B's no matter how you slice it.

Let's say you are a family of 4 (except I can't think of one family of 4 who reads my blog!), with an annual income of $52K. If you spent $125/wk or $500/mo on groceries at Walmart, they'd end up saving $900/yr...or 7 weeks of free groceries. Who doesn't want free groceries for almost 2 months??

But here is the rub. What are we doing with that $900? Saving it? Putting it in an IRA? Sending an under-privileged neighbor to summer camp? Probably Not. We are probably spending it...and most likely while we are are Walmart.

We have a nearly untreatable virus...most of us do anyways. I do. We want more and we want it cheaper. I want a nicer car, a bigger TV, better coffee, more express lanes, and on and on. And I love getting it for the cheapest price around. It has been a slow growing virus, but it is one that has found its way into nearly every thread of American/Western life. Walmart is certainly not responsible for this, though it has played its part--Always Low Prices. "Buy it, why don't you? It's cheap. The cheapest anywhere. Trust me." And often we do. We buy more than we need. There's one example in the book about Vlasic pickles being sold at Walmart for $2.97 a gallon. A FREAKING gallon of pickles. Who, besides vendors at baseball games, needs to buy a gallon of pickles. Well, who cares. They are only a little more than the 1/2 gallon. It's a great deal. Then we eat half the gallon and throw the rest away. And sleep soundly.

We dream of more. And cheaper, please.

Some of my own conclusions @ this point...
· Paving money is not a good enough reason for me to shop at Walmart. When I admit that I probably don't really SAVE all of those saving and recognize the waste associated, it just doesn't make enough of a difference to shop there for the economic benefit.
· Plus, there are several other serious questions not yet addressed. Is Walmart FOR people? Is Walmart Pro Earth? Does Walmart diminish the creative and entrepeunerial spirit of small business owners? Do communities wither or thrive when Walmart comes to town? Let's keep asking questions, shall we?
· I will say here something that REALLY needs to be said. Some people must shop at Walmart. They NEED the $900/yr to survive and to try to make ends meet. For those that are "working the system" to survive, I champion you. I hope to have the kind of steadfastness you have to embody to make it.
· My call is for those, like me, that have a choice to communicate with our money--vote with our credit cards and check books. Let's ask ourselves if we are shopping responsibly and with strategic inentionality. Let's consider buying less and spending more...and somehow find a prophetic vaccine for the virus that has affected our culture. Let's concern ourselves less with spending thriftly. If you are going to shop, SHOP BOLDLY!

(since my last post, I've gotten some good questions I'll try to address soon, plus an interesting article my Dad sent me about Walmart initiatives that would be Creation-sensitive)

Wal-Mart: Benevolent or Malignant?

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Tue, 13 Feb 2007 01:04:00 +0000

I grew up during the BOOM of Wal-Mart. My family loved Wal-Mart. We shopped there for all sorts of stuff. We killed time there. We ran into our neighbors and friends there. I can remember when Wal-Mart broke into the grocery business. The Supercenter. The super-heros of retail. That's what we all thought, anyways. Wal-Mart has saved us a lot of money...and a lot of time. Sam Walton and his hard-working southern angels have somehow--miraculously--saved us.

However, we now find ourselves asking if the super-hero wasn't really the villain. Here is what author Charles Fishman of The Wal-Mart Effect says in response to the question, "What is the Wal-Mart Effect?"

It's an amazing question. It's hard to know even what kind of question it is: A political question? An economic question? A moral question? A values question? The question is really shorthand for a whole set of larger questions...Is Wal-Mart good for America or bad? Is Wal-Mart itself good or bad? When we spend our money at Wal-Mart, are we helping companies and the economy and factory workers along with ourselves? Or are we just adding drops of acid to the corrosion of the very system we value?

This, essentially, is the daunting question that Fishman sets out to investigate. And he does a remarkable job of engaging the reader with great stories and helpful information, without tipping his own hand one way or another. One thing I appreciate about the way he writes is that he does not allow us to consider only half of the issue. He doesn't just throw around popular rhetoric about this super-hero / villain. He gives you all you can handle about the positive and negative implications of this retail giant. No simple apologetic. Complex. Multi-layered. Just how we like our economic, moral, and political issues.

Maybe you are not impressed with Wal-Mart and its gerth. Maybe you are a Michigander and see Meijer competing pretty well with Wal-Mart. Here are some of the rather interesting tid bits from Fishman's book to wet your appetite and to get you thinking a bit.

Back in the early 1990's, every bottle of deodorant was sold in a box. Today, you can walk into any store and see that deodorant now comes in the flesh. Wal-Mart told its suppliers to get rid of the box, saving 10M a year--half to you and half to Wal-Mart.

Wal-Mart entered the grocery business in about 1990 and mastered it, becoming the #1 grocer in America and now the #2 grocer in Britain. They accomplished this in less than 10 years against supermarket chains that had been masters of their domain for over 50 years. The savings? 15% on average. That's $900/yr for an average family of 4.

It's all based on volume. Sell more. Create the taste for more. The average person spends 2G's per year at Wal-Mart. Their profit is a mere $75.

How big? Bigger than Home Depot, Kroger, Target, Costco, KMart, and Sears combined. Each year Wal-Mart sells more by St. Patrick's day than Target sells all year long.

Wal-Mart is almost solely responsible for taking salmon from delicacy to affordable, common meal @ $4.84/lb.

One thing is clear. If I shop at Wal-Mart, I will save money. But is that my only grid? Is this the only filter I have for deciding what I buy and where I buy it? What about issues of justice and morality? Can we hear the cries of the factory workers here on US soil? Can we hear the cry of the ocean floor wasting away because of the fish farms? Will I spend more of my money because I choose to support a company that pays its employees fair-er wages?

What is my filter? What is my grid?

I'll explore some of these questions and issues in my next couple of posts. I'd love your questions and feedback.

Something I Hate

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Tue, 06 Feb 2007 04:28:00 +0000

Once again, I pull up to the laptop with IPA in hand...just before midnight...sporting my reindeer PJ pants...and relaxing in the chair that has been sewn to the carpet so it cannot be moved upstairs. I'd like to offer you something from either The Holy Longing or The Wal-Mart Effect, but I need some time to put that together. I'll come to that tomorrow or Wednesday. Tonite, I'm feeling a bit more contemplative. Bear with me tonite and tune back in later this week for something more juicy.

We lost our soccer game tonite. In fact, we've lost most of them. I HATE LOSING. For lots of reasons. Enough reasons that I probably need a counselor to walk me through them...likely several months worth of sessions. Here are some of the reasons I can come up with on the spot:

I hate being on the short end of popularity...the winners get the attention.

I hate that I can't get to sleep because I'm replaying mistakes in my head.

I hate that others on my team are losing when they might be used to winning.

I hate that I'd almost rather not play than lose.

There's just a few. These are the ones I'm willing to publish on Al's Internet experiment. The truth is, it's really not simply that I hate losing. What I am coming to realize is that I hate (in a righteous anger sort of way) that I hate losing so much. I'm bothered by my hang ups noted above. It frustrates me that winning and popularity and achievement are so vital to my broken soul.

I contemplate this tonite because of recent events. While defeat courses through my veins and inhibits sleep, a friend of ours from seminary was at the hospital with her dad most of the day today touching him and talking to him for the last time as he lay losing a long fight with cancer. We stopped on our way back from Milwaukee today to be with her and her husband for a couple of hours. They (and not I) have reason to lose sleep because of a loss.

We were in Milwaukee this weekend to visit good friends. Actually, great friends, because "good" friends would not warrant a visit to Milwaukee, WI!! Our friends in Milwaukee have good reason to be angry. While I stew about losing a [choice word] soccer game, they wonder why finding a company of friends who will "do life and ministry" with them is so hard to come by. They give themselves away to the care for their beautiful daughter, to academic pursuit, and to cutting edge ministry to the poorest of the poor in Milwaukee. They break themselves and bleed all the time. Yet, so far they have lost out on community. They should be angry. What was that I was angry about again...a 4-2 final?

So, here's to perspective. I'm sure I'll continue to struggle with being competitive and hating to lose games. I'm sure I'll feel some sort of responsibility to make my teamates happy. But tonite (and hopefully more nights to come) I'll lose sleep over something else. Tonite, maybe the thought of Sara holding her dad's hand for the last time will keep me tossing and turning. And with any luck, I won't be able to get the DeFranza's out of my mind...broken for them...wishing they could find a community of people to journey with.

Well, my IPA is nearly done. It's time to sign off and head to bed. Here's to being haunted by the thoughts of my friends. May I find a way to have the same passion for them as I do this game that means nothing more than an hour of exercise and a day of feeling OLD. Lord Help Me.

I hate that I hate losing so much. Yes, Lord Help Me.

The Sneaky Holiday

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Mon, 29 Jan 2007 23:09:00 +0000

It’s “sneaky” because…

All of a sudden, out of the blue, when you least expected it—there it is. IN YOUR FACE. Pressure. Celebrate me, it demands. Be creative and smart and…well…you should be a little sneaky too. White lies don’t count when you are surprising someone, but you better hope they aren’t trying to surprise you too. Otherwise, all the hard work, lying and sneakiness will be for naught. Let’s make this easier. Let’s give ALL the responsibility for surprise, for creativity, and for unforgettable romance to the gender that usually gets blindsided by this holiday. Great idea. Then, he can use his impromptu “sneakiness” as a cover for completely forgetting this national Holiday.

Thank You, Hallmark, for Valentine’s Day. (pause to remove tongue from cheek)
[image taken from www.studiondr.com]

About a week ago, my Valentine (of 9 yrs) says, “I had an idea for Valentine’s Day.” I immediately thought, “uhhhhh, it isn’t even February yet.” Some people, such as my wife, take most of the mysterious sneakiness out of life—they love to plan! Nevertheless, I’m baled out here. She’s got a plan. I’m sure it’s a great plan. I’ll luuuuuuuuvvvvvvv it. And, well, she did have a good plan. We’d go out for a nice dinner with a generous gift certificate we had received, we’d eat slow and talk a lot, and yada yada yada, we’d have a great night together, just the two of us.

That got me thinking. What in the world are we doing with this Hallmark holiday? Besides dropping some serious loot on cards, candy, dinners, movies, trips, jewelry (don’t get me started on Blood Diamond), lingerie, etc.? Is this a responsible use of our money and time? Is it justifiable? Even if it is justifiable (we do, after all, need more date nights), is it best, wise, generous, revolutionary, etc.? Is this holiday marked more by generous love or by capitalistic consumption? We can’t even say we are doing it in the name of religion—unless your religion is Reaganomics. All we’ve got is a contrived holiday that drives a night of romance for some…while some long for a touch or a connection or a meaningful conversation with a partner…while others meekly long for something as simple as a meal or a blanket. Like I said…it got me thinking…

So I ventured into somewhat dangerous territory—challenging the romantic plans of your spouse (though it isn’t so dangerous when you’ve got a remarkable wife). “What if,” I say, “we did something a little different this year? Could we be creatively subversive? Do something that demonstrates the kingdom we are residents of?” No pots flying at my head. No cold shoulder. Not much of a response at all. She just absorbed it. I could tell she was caught a bit off guard, but not feeling hurt or offended or overlooked. She just likes to chew on things. So she chewed for a few days…

Then she came up with a brilliant idea that we are now dialoguing about…massaging…working on. She suggested that we invite all of our single friends and family over to the house...bake lots of cookies together…then go downtown to hand them out to folks who need to be reminded that they are LOVED greatly. That is our (mostly Christine’s) subversive Valentine’s Day idea. Will we change the world? Not much of it, but maybe a bit of it. Will we cripple the industries that feed off of these kinds of holidays? Nope. Will we be more whole, integrated and shalomic? I think so.

Here’s to being less sneaky and more shalomic…Happy Valentine’s Day!

What will you do?

Got any other subversive ideas?

Post your ideas and what you decide to do here.

Inspire us…

Did you say Euchre-ist?

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Tue, 23 Jan 2007 04:52:00 +0000

Uhhhhhh no. That would be one who excels in the wildly popular card game of the Midwest.

Well, it is just about midnight. I sit here in my orange chair (yes, the one Christine thinks is going to the 3rd floor) laptop ready, IPA in reach, with my notes from the conference I attended today at Mars Hill Bible Church. It is a conference celebrating the local church, cleverly titled "Isn't she beautiful?"

What I was referring to was the Eucharist. In it's roots it means thanksgiving...thankfulness...and the like. It is the word used by some churches to describe the sacramental ritual of The Lord's Supper or Communion. Today, Rob used it as a paradigm for leaders (and you could argue all followers of Jesus) to makes sense out of that feeling of being tired in the bones from giving ourselves away. Here's how the picture works out...

When we give ourselves away we are, like Jesus, being given over to death so that others will have life (2 Cor 4). Our bodies are broken when we meet with the couple who is thinking of calling it quits after 12 years of marriage. Our blood is spilled out when we drop everything and go to the hospital to sit with the family who has just lost their teenage son to a drug overdose. Over and over chunks of our soul are ripped away. We are this eucharist for our families, for our churches, for our neighbors, for our co-workers. We exist, as followers of this Jesus, to incarnate the breaking of the body and the spilling of the blood...do this in remembrance of me. Seems like somebody said that once??

And it is good to be broken and to bleed.

very good.

But we have to be put back together again. We, like Jesus, need to get in the boat. We need to go to sleep. We need to escape to quiet places and be replenished. We cannot give 110% . I've heard that said before. We have to give more than we are capable of giving? I don't believe that. We give ourselves over to death, but we have to be refilled with life. Which leads me back to being thankful.

Who and what and where am I put back together again?

My wife...coffee and reading (which turns into coffee and talking).
The great folks in my house church
Late nights at Founders. It seems counter-intuitive, but the conversations fill me
A two hour conversation that "goes there" the first time we meet (thx MLaw)
Nights on the patio with the Howell's
Reading a great book
Coffee or other beverages with Leddy or Nelly
4 hours at the Kava House with you and you and you (you know who you are)
A 10 pm soccer match--but only when we win (which finally happened tonight!)
Holla.
The list could go on...

To the people in my life who put me back together, Thank You. I need to tell you that more often. And in person. I will try.

So, what about the rest of you? When do you find yourself living out a Eucharistic Lifestyle? What breaks you and causes you to bleed? And what puts you back together again?

I've been Frye-d...or...tagged by Frye

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Thu, 18 Jan 2007 00:12:00 +0000

A good friend, John Frye, has tagged my. The rules? I've got to divulge 5 things about me that most people would not know. Then I tag 5 others to do the same thing. And if I don't??? I imagine it's like not continuing a chain letter, but worse, b/c it's on the internet. So, here we go...

1. That I took a typing class in High School, then competed on a typing team in very intense typing competitions. The stories---oh the stories!

2. For my first semester in college, I was a civil engineering major. I wasn't too interested, danced too much, nearly failed my civil engineering intro course, and promptly dropped the program and started anew in the Spring semester.

3. I knew about 3 years before Christine and I were married that we would be tying the knot. In fact, I have it in a journal that I let Christine read when I asked her to marry me. I penned those words during a "listening" retreat the beginning of my sophomore year of college.

4. When I relented and began the M.Div. program in seminary, I wanted to skip out on the preaching courses. I hated being in front of crowds of people and never enjoyed public speaking. In one of the most suprising moments of my life, the Ewing Preaching Award was announced in conjuction with my name. I was unvelievably shocked. Just ask Christine--she was too!

5. I finished in the top 10 of a beauty pageant--a pageant that flaunted high school senior boys in full cross dress out in front of a sold out crowd in order to raise money for a school benefit. My stage name, you ask? Mountainous Morgana Mutch. You should see the video...
(it isn't on youtube)

Now, who to tag??
those with blogs...
Brad Nelson www.xanga.com/desertfather
Diane Nienhuis www.djnienhuis.blogspot.com

those without blogs, but may have myspace...
Jettie Barrett
Matt Fulk
Erin Sweeney

Coming Out...of blogging retirement

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Tue, 16 Jan 2007 05:05:00 +0000

Was it really October that I last posted an entry? Time flies when you are frustratingly unemployed. That's what, I think, finally did me in with the writing. I had absolutely no creativity. I had lots of time. 2mutch time. But nothing that was beckoning to come out.

Well, I'm gainfully employed once again. It was a long wait, but the wait was worth it I think. I've recently begun working as a Chaplain (Sprititual Care Advisor to be techinical) for Hospice of Michigan. So far so good. I think it's going to be a a good fit for me (and hopefully them). Working again--being back in the game, so to speak--has me feeling more creative...desiring to think, play, and write.

The BIG question: What does one write about? I don't want this blog to be about me me me, even though I am awefully interesting and amazing. The rest of my life is focused on that enough. So, I want this to be somewhat multifaceted. I want it to push me, while at the same time being therapeutic. I'd also like it to be interesting to the readers and a place where people can interact with one another. Recently, I've been to see the movie Blood Diamonds. Powerful. Moving. I ask myself, "So--what next?" Saturday I was at a day seminar at Mars Hill with lots of challenging material. So--what next? I'd like this site to be a place where we ask "what next" and dialogue about IMPLICATIONS for life...this life...right now.

So, I sit here at home drinking at Centennial IPA from Founders...trying to come down from an endorphin rush from playing soccer from 10-11pm. It's now after midnite and I'm nowhere close to being ready for bed. This will probably be one of my writing times. Anyways, I digress. I am sitting here wondering...what to write about? What matters? What is interesting to people?

Maybe it's stuff I'm reading...like "The Walmart Effect" or "The Holy Longing."
Or the Enneagram. I've promised to come around to that sometime.
Or to get suggestions on where I can buy Fair Trade clothing for my new job?
Movies that move us?
I will certainly have lots of stories from my new job...
I'm open to suggestions.

Well, it's good to be back. I hope my next post is a bit more...let's say...compelling. Yes that's a good work. It's better than saying "less sucky."

Peace my friends (both of you)

In the words of Parker Palmer...

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 18:31:00 +0000

In the words of Parker Palmer, I have found great comfort and encouragement. I have seen the need to turn 'inwards' and 'downwards' at times in order to find freedom, growth, authenticity, life. I have only read one of his books, but will be looking for some of his other writings. I will share here some of the underlined sections from last weeks reading of Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation. If I'm lucky...maybe more than one post!

Towards the end of the book, Palmer uses the metaphor of the changing of the seasons to look at selfhood and vocation. Under the section of "Autumn" he penned these words that gripped me and I have shared them with several people:

In restrospect, I can see in my own life what I could not see at the time--how the job I lost helped me find work I needed to do, how the "road closed" sign turned me toward terrain I needed to travel, how losses that felt irredeemable forced me to discern meanings I needed to know. On the surface, it seemed that life was lessening, but silently and lavishly the seeds of new life were always being sown.

He relates this to autumn in the sense that it is the season where seeds are sown as the trees shed their leaves and this part of the world prepares for hibernation during the winter. The Autumn is a necessary part of the journey into the Spring and new life. It is a journey that I hope I am on...

Since losing my job, I have realized that I am being led to work that I need to do...that the "road closed" sign was for my benefit. The problem is that it has been a LONG WINTER. It has been nearly 8 months since I hit the "road closed" sign and the longer this drags on the more difficult it gets. Don't get me wrong--I don't wish that I was back where I was 8 months ago, but winter is getting tiring. I believe that silently and lavishly the seeds of new life are being sown. I just don't know when they are going to bloom.

I'm ready for them to bloom. I can't force it, nor will I. But I can long for it. And I will...

Next time--a quote about "functional atheism."

Conveniently Oppositional

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Wed, 06 Sep 2006 20:01:00 +0000

If you have seen the documentary on global warming that's been in the theaters for several weeks now, you know that it is, indeed, an "inconvenient truth." It is bothersome, annoying, and (with any luck) life-altering. You know that it is engaging and interesting--as documentaries go anyway. You've also experienced the interlacing of vulnerable stories and vignettes that help relax the pounding in your head by taking a few tugs on your heart strings. If you are like most folks that I have talked with who have seen the movie, you can't help but wonder "what if" this is true? If, as a high-ranking official of the Howell Istitute pondered, only half of the conclusions are correct, we've got a serious problem that will require changes from all of us. If you have been "inconvenienced" by this truth, how has it affected you...and what sort of changes are you implementing?

But this post isn't really about the movie itself. If you have seen the movie...and mentioned to people that you saw it...you've also experienced that many people are "conveniently oppositional." First, they act like they didn't hear you--"What movie did you see?" Next, with a crinkled face they utter their own Bushism, "Is that Al Gore's thing?" If you affirm that it is based on Gore's Global Warming presentation, the most you are likely to get is a heavy "humph." Probaly, however, you will get a quick subject change.

What's everyone opposed to anyways? Is it Gore? Are people unable to accept that Al Gore "has brains" and is not afraid to use them? Or are they afraid that they are going to be hoodwinked into becoming a Democrat? It's a slippery slope, you know? One minute you are watching a documentary and the next minute you will find yourself part of a pro-abortion lobbying group.

"Ridiculous, you say?" I agrree. So, maybe they have a problem with environmentalism. Most of the people that I talk to are Christians, so my sample of subjects is coming from a group of people that generally identifies itself as "pro-life." Yet, the confusing thing is, they seem to be nonchalant and generally uncaring about "the earth and all that is in it--except nice people." Should issues about the environment be so LOW on the list of a pro-life group? May it never be!

If you agree, then join me in "pushing some buttons." Rather than letting folks off the hook so easily, I'm going to start asking some questions.

Do you think you'll see the movie? Why or why not?
That's an interesing tone you used when mentioning Al Gore...what's up with that?
Don't you think Al's stance is strongly pro-life in this regard?
Are you already pretty knowledgeable about global warming and the environment?

Now, I'm not suggesting you get yourself punched or thrown out of a restaurant for causing a disturbance, but let's shake things up a bit. I'm interested to figure out why so few people have seen the movie...and why those who have seem conveniently opposed to it.

On the backs of...

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Tue, 15 Aug 2006 12:33:00 +0000

I'll be offering a few reflections over the next week or so in light of the painfully prophetic preaching of Marvin Williams. He has challenged us greatly the last 2 weeks at White Hill...I mean...Mars Hill. Marvin is one of the lead pastors at Tabernacle Communiy Church in the Alger Heights area of Grand Rapids. It is one of the few churches in Grand Rapids that is achieving any real racial diversity. It's a church Christine and I will be visiting very soon.

I won't rehash everything that Marvin said. You are much better off listening to it yourself (www.mhbcmi.org).

How many of you get into doing the whole "family tree" thing? You know who you are. You've got a favorites folder called "jeanie-ology" and you've planned stops into local libraries when you are back home visiting relatives. You are a regular private eye and are able to trace your ancestral heritage back to Methusela. If you are this person...or any derivation of this kind of person...then beware. Your historical searches may uncover something that you don't want to find. And if your conscience gets a hold of that information, you're toast.

At the end of Marvin's first sermon on 8/6 he hit us with a couple of challenges. Marvin suggested we do something I had never dreamed of doing. He suggested that for some of us we need to do some truth-seeking in our own histories. We need to meander through the lives of our ancestors and do some detective work. In many ways, we stand on the shoulders of those who have gone before us. The question is...Were they standing on the backs of the poor, downcast, underprivileged, or marginalized?

Do you have the kind of opportunity and financial security today because of a father who was a real estate guru who participated in an economic system that kept the poor down?

Do you have the status and education today because of a great-great-great grandfather who was a slave trader...or who got wealthy off of the free labor that slaves were forced to give?

Perhaps someone in your family was a banker or a store owner during the Dust Bowl Years and charged unusually high rates of interest on the very populations who could not afford them. Has their wealth been passed down to you in any way?

WARNING: If you think that doing such a history will tie you to the perpetuation of oppression and marginalization, then DO NOT READ LUKE 19. In Luke 19 you will meet Zacchaeus, who was a tax collector that got rich "on the backs" of the locals who could not afford the usury being ascribed to them. He not only participates in an ecomomic system that keeps people down, he rapes them over and beyond what they owe to Caesar. But Zacchaeus has an encouter with ONE who does not stand for injustice or the oppression of the poor. And on the day that salvation comes to this tax collector, he gives half of his possessions to the poor and pays back 4 x's the amount to anyone he has cheated.

Salvation has come to Zacchaeus...Restitiution has come to the oppressed...Redemption has come to the world.

How has your history brought you to where you are today?
Where will investigating your history take you tomorrow?

Come salvation...come restitution...come redemption...come!

Invisible Leadership

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Thu, 20 Jul 2006 21:33:00 +0000

Meander through the pages of the New Testament with the concept of leadership on your brain and you will discover that Jesus doesn’t always lead from “up front.” Something doesn’t ring true here. When I think of leadership, I think of the “top dog” who is visibly leading from the front. I think of the charismatic type who holds the attention of the enamored followers, those being led. In my mind I envision someone with influence and sway, with the right amount of power and control to get things done. In the end, I see someone who is popular and attractive OR someone who is powerful and successful. These are the leaders I’ve been accustomed to, both inside and outside the church.

Yes, I’m going somewhere with this. I’m not one to advocate that Jesus was God incarnate so that we could have glimpse into the looking glass to discover “what a true leader is.” Nonetheless, we can certainly pick up a few things now can’t we? Is Jesus the charismatic, influential tycoon that we see of most “leaders”? On one occasion, Jesus sends the disciples ahead of him in a boat…and doesn’t join them until the middle of the night. On another occasion, he sends a couple of disciples into town to get the colt for his entrance into Jerusalem. On yet another occasion, he sends the disciples out in pairs to be the good news to village after village. Then, Jesus gives them a mission, leaves them permanently, and tells them to wait for the Spirit to come. These images came to my mind recently when I read this from Nelson Mandela’s autobiography Long Walk To Freedom:

I always remember the regent’s axiom: a leader, he said, is like a shepherd. He stays behind the flock, letting the most nimble go out ahead, whereupon the others follow, not realizing that all along they are being directed from behind.

This, I believe, is true of the early followers of Jesus (the Great Shepherd) and us the followers of the 21st Century. The nimble (not perfect and powerful) go out ahead whereupon others follow. This is what Jesus did in his day and the pattern is set to repeat itself: the leaders shall move to the back and lead from behind. Easy to see, I suppose, but difficult to do. Will our leaders move to the back and begin directing from behind? Or will they be so settled (addicted) to the front—the power, accolades, influence, attention, control—that they miss the opportunity (or worse, refuse) to lead from behind as a shepherd does?

I’ve seen both. It is neither a pretty nor hopeful sight to see leaders grasp and cling to the front as if it were eternal life itself. But when you see a leader let go of all that enslaves us to the front, it is a beautiful display of a kind of leadership that doesn’t sell many books. It is quiet, steadfast, and trusting. Thanks and kudos to all of you that strive to lead like this.

Thanks, especially, for my brother, friend and mentor--John Frye, who I have had the privilege of seeing this kind of leadership lived out in the flesh. John, you da man (chest bump)!

Who do you know that leads in ways that don’t typically make it into books and articles?